Magical Mistletoe
by iamhermionemalfoy
Summary: The story begins when Yuffie manages to obtain a special mistletoe, which unleashes an unimaginable terror to the residents of Seventh Heaven. FluffyHumorRomance ensues.
1. Yuffie's POV

**Magical Mistletoe**

by astrogirl23

A/n: Hello everyone! I do not own FFVII or any of the characters, by the way. So, without further ado, I give to you my belated Christmas fic…

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Chapter 1: Yuffie's POV

* * *

Darn. Honestly, is this how people in Midgar spend their Christmas holidays? Working endlessly, talking minimally, with attitudes that matched the wintry weather to boot?

BOOOOOOO-RING!

Surprisingly, my previous tactics to try to make Seventh Heaven a cheerier place were complete failures (but that doesn't make me, Yuffie the Magnificent, a failure!). Sure, I had the place lively for approximately twelve seconds after my last prank, but after Cloud had put out the fire from the fireworks I had conveniently placed on the back pockets of Cid's pants, the place was as gloomy as before.

Nobody would spare ME some time, and that is not only making me feel bored, but lonely as hell too. Tifa is busy with the continuous pouring of customers in the bar, Cloud's out most of the time delivering packages, Cid's inside Sierra most of the time, tinkering away, Barrett only appears during supper, and gaaaawwd, even Marlene and Denzel were out most of the time, refusing to play with me after I had "accidentally" beheaded the snowmen they had made with my shurikens.

"If I lie on this stupid couch for another second, doing nothing but stare stupidly at the blank television screen which would only show those boring, cheesy Christmas specials if I open it, and counting snowflakes outside the window, I am absolutely going to be spending the rest of the holiday in an asylum!"

Silence. Hello, as if I'm expecting some stupid reply from the television or the window, who were just innocent inanimate objects I could vent out my frustrations on without receiving any scathing reply.

Not that I wouldn't welcome any scathing response just to rid of the dull air that seemed to filter inside Seventh Heaven.

Really. I'd even accept a one-word advice from the quiet, I'm-too-cool-to-string-two-words-together Vincent, if worse comes to worst.

"Then go out."

I fell from the couch in absolute surprise at the sudden voice, landing not too gracefully on my face. Coughing out dust and carpet hair from my mouth and nose, I rose and tried to right my position.

I was about to open my mouth in a retort about invading someone's privacy when I saw Vincent himself standing on the doorway, looking as gorgeous and forbidding as ever.

"Whaa—whaaaat?" I don't know whether I was talking to myself or to him—all I was aware of at that moment was the unnatural hotness of my cheeks and the sudden acceleration of my heartbeat.

I did not just think he was gorgeous, did I? My brain must be freezing from the cold temperature.

Vincent did not move from where he stood; instead he gave me what seemed like a questioning look.

At least that's what it seemed like from my peripheral vision. Somehow, despite knowing him for the longest time, I still can't bring myself to look at him in the eye.

And I'm not going to try now, not after thinking the ridiculous thought of him being gorgeous.

Trying to keep my voice neutral, and only succeeding in making me sound like a parrot with digestive problems, I asked, "W—what are you doing here, Vinnie?" with as much nonchalance as I could muster.

Dang it Yuffie, a week of pure boring-ness in Seventh Heaven with no one to talk to, and all your professional conversational skills disappear like Sephiroth! Is that all you can say??

"I need to talk to Cloud," was all he said, and I couldn't help but be disappointed.

Wait a minute. I'm disappointed? As if it isn't common knowledge that the man seems to find it excruciating to string more than five words together. Gawwwd, what in Jenova's head is happening to me??

My body suddenly seemed to be moving on its own accord; like a little sparrow preparing to take flight, I rose from the floor and stood up as though my butt just got singed by a branding iron.

"I—I—I have to go!" was that my voice? I sounded like a mouse that got its tail trampled. "See you around Vinnie! I gotta go somewhere…"

And I scampered out of the room like the mouse I had described myself to be.

* * *

I was never gladder to see the exit of Seventh Heaven my whole life. As I hurried out, I bumped into Tifa, who was carrying empty tankards of beer.

"Hey Yuffie, what happened to you?" she asked with concern. "Your face is all red…"

"I—I just need some fresh air! I'll be back before supper!" I said, quickly walking past her before she could say something else.

What in hell's bells is happening to me? First I talk to inanimate objects. Then I think Vinnie's gone all hot and sexy. Worst of all, I'm suddenly SHY in front of him!

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't realize I was about to crash to a cartful of unusual market goods. And so I did.

Arms and merchandise flying everywhere, I wasn't able to brace myself for my hard meeting with the ground. I could've sworn I heard the cracking of my own bones in the arm as I fell, and how it shattered into pieces as the weight of my body greatened the impact to the hard, snow-free ground.

"Miss! Are you alright?" the crumpled face of an old lady peered down at me with anxious eyes.

Groaning in pain, I staggered to sit up, but a gasp of pain escaped my mouth as I felt a searing pain in my arm.

The old woman quickly assisted me in a sitting position, stating her apologies for the accident.

"No, ma'am, it's my fault, really!" I assured her with a pained smile. "I'm not usually this clumsy, but weird things keep going on inside my head and I…" I quickly halted my babble when I saw a momentary glow of mischief in the old lady's eyes.

"But it's my fault too, dearie, that you got your arm broken," the old woman crooned, taking something out of her pocket. "Here, you can have this as a token of my deepest apologies."

I stared at the object that rested on her outstretched hand in complete puzzlement.

"W—what is it?" I can't help but ask.

The old woman gave me a tooth-gapped smile.

"Why, it's a mistletoe, dearie, a special kind,"

Without warning she grabbed my good arm and dropped the mistletoe on my open palm.

"Be sure to hang it in a good place, dearie, or it will do the task itself," the old woman said, before turning to leave.

"W—wait, ma'am! Your merchandise, let me help you gather them—" I began to shout after her retreating form, but soon she disappeared into the crowd.

"Drat," I muttered to myself as I pocketed the mistletoe. "I was hoping for a materia, not some stupid plant…"

* * *

I had totally forgotten about the mistletoe when I returned to Seventh Heaven later that evening.

Well, I had good reason!

First, I had to go to a nearby hospital to get my arm fixed, but then I remembered that I didn't have any money with me. So what was a penniless ninja like me expected to do? I ran away, of course! It had been quite dumb on their part to leave me near an open window anyway.

Then, when I came back to Seventh Heaven with my arm encased in a cast and a sling, they all panicked like I had entered starknaked instead.

And finally, the cause of my jumpy behaviour was still there, sitting by the corner and watching the spectacle with his trademark indifference.

I wish I didn't notice he was there, because when I did, I could feel the cursed heat climb my cheeks again. Darn! Why now? Why only now??

Running away from him was a very bad idea. If I had known it would only cause me to trip on Cid's foot and go crashing down the floor like a slinky, I wouldn't have done it. Honestly.

"Yuffie, what in God's name is happening to you?" Tifa asked gently as she helped me get back on my feet.

I could feel everyone staring at me, and I felt like screaming, "This is all your fault! Yes, you, you, and you! You people don't pay any attention to me! YOU BORE ME TO DEATH!"

Instead I ruined everything, including my tough ninja image, when I burst into tears.

"Yuffie! What's wrong, sweetie?" I heard Tifa say as she stepped over to give me a hug. "You can tell me anything you know,"

"Did someone bully you?" Barrett growled. "Tell me the name of the bastard and I'll beat him for you!"

Cid was flexing his knuckles as he added, "Yeah, we'll beat him up good after congratulating him in being able to make you cry,"

I wasn't sure how I got tucked into bed like a child that evening, how I managed to have a hot cocoa with marshmallows on top before I went to sleep, how Barrett gave me a materia "to cheer me up", how Cid borrowed a bedtime story book from the children to read to me, and how Cloud and Tifa promised to prepare a fancy breakfast for me tomorrow, but nonetheless, I found myself staring at the peeling ceiling of my room, wondering why I had suddenly cried.

I never cried. Well, save for that one time when my elbow connected rather hard with the sharp edge of the dining table, but other than that, I swear I never cried.

"Yuffie? Are you still awake?"

Oh Gawwwwd. It's him!

Okay Yuffie, you must stay calm. CALM. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes.

I heard the knob turn, and the shuffle of feet as Vincent entered my room.

I'm sleeping, darn it, you can go now…

…or you can ravish me here and now.

"Ohmygodisodidnotjustthinkthatterriblydisgutingthoughtdidi??" I wasn't aware I had screamed all of that until I saw Vincent clamping his hands over his ears. I hastily sat up, inwardly cursing when the familiar heat began creeping up my cheeks again.

"Are you alright now, Yuffie?" his voice was husky as he asked me that question.

"Y—yeah," I stammered out, unable to look at him in the eye.

"Why did you cry?"

Okay, trust it for him to be so darn blunt.

"…"

Oh. My. God. Was I, Yuffie, Kisaragi, speechless for the first time? This is truly absurd. The next thing I know, Vincent's probably going to be the talkative parrot I usually am!

"It's alright, you don't have to tell me."

Wait, wait, wait. Did Vincent Valentine just manage to string more than five words to me? Someone call Ripley's.

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you. Goodnight."

A whopping twenty three words! Wow.

"W—wait!" I called out before I could stop myself. He half-turned to look at me with those intense amber eyes of his. Whoa. This is the first time I actually saw the color of his eyes, and I must say… oh drat, I'd rather not say.

"Uhh—goodnight, Vinnie," I managed to mumble, unable to hide the red flags that rose on my cheeks.

Jenova's head! Was it a trick of the light or did he just give me a teensy-weensy smile?

I didn't have time to decide as the door closed behind him.

Hmm…. Maybe I should cry more often.

* * *

A/n: So what do you think? The fun begins in the second chapter, where you'll see the real purpose of the "special" mistletoe, and other's POVs to boot:D Anyway, you can tell me whose POVs (or pairing) you want to see with the "special" mistletoe so I can write it! Well, TTFN!


	2. Cloud's POV

A/n: Hello everyone! I come bearing the second chapter of my belated Christmas fic….

**Magical Mistletoe**

by astrogirl23

A/n: BTW, in case you've noticed, my pen name's been changed again—from cenagurl it became cenagurl-is-now-astrogirl and now it's well, astrogirl23. I just wanted to clarify that, 'cause you might think someone hacked my account or worse—I stole my story somewhere! I do not own FFVII or any of its characters, so don't sue me, I'm just borrowing them for some amusement. :)

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Chapter 2: Cloud's POV

* * *

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Okay. Five more minutes.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Oh crap. Shut up. I still got three minutes and twenty seconds.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Alright, alright! You win!

Blindly reaching for the bloody annoying alarm clock by my bedside table, I staggered to sit up, the remnants of the vague dream I had been having completely forgotten.

When I was done rubbing Mr. Sandman's present from my bleary eyes, I quickly kicked off the blankets and glanced over at the now quiet alarm clock, which read 5:35 AM.

Like a robot under auto-pilot I walked over to my closet and got my towel so I can take a shower. Like anyone would want to go near water at a temperature this cold. But still I knew I needed to take a bath. I mean, who would want their packages delivered by a delivery boy who stank to heaven?

I couldn't help but release a sigh as I wandered listlessly outside the empty hallway and headed towards the bathroom. This delivery service can really be so tiring. Waking up before dawn to prepare for work and going home very late in the evening that I can barely have some quality time with Tifa and the others.

I could have taken a leave for the sake of the holidays, but the demand for delivery service is so high now that I can't refuse. After all, the money's for _their_ needs.

After my hasty shower I went to my room and changed into a fresh set of clothes Tifa had been so kind to wash for me.

Maybe I can take a day off or two. But obviously not now. There's so much packages that need to be delivered—

"Cloud?"

I swivelled about and saw Tifa standing by my open doorway, wearing a huge sweater over her usual sleepwear—white shirt and pink boxers. I was quick to notice that she was barefoot. And that her hair was tousled like she had just come from a tumble—

God. Something seems to be moving inside my pants, but I wouldn't dare delve further as to what it was. Reno's sickness must have infected my system.

Right, right, I know what you're all thinking. I'm Cloud Strife, the emo hero with no humane feelings whatsoever. Well you guessed wrong. I'm very much human. And I harbor no secret passion for Sephiroth. I'm a real man, with real feelings for the opposite sex.

"Yeah?" I answered, inwardly congratulating myself for the nonchalance I managed to instil in my voice, a big contrast to what I was really feeling at that moment.

"Are you leaving now?" she asked with a yawn. "I'll make you some coffee before you go,"

I could only watch in utter fascination as she turned to go to the kitchen. That's one of the things I loved about Tifa—she's such a caring, selfless woman.

And damned beautiful too.

I finished lacing my boots, then headed out of my room as I followed her downstairs. A welcoming smell of fried eggs and bacon wafted up my nose when I entered the kitchen, making me realize how hungry I am.

"I thought you only mentioned coffee," I couldn't help but comment as I sat down on the dining table.

Tifa then brandished a cup of steaming coffee from the kitchen counter and brought it to me. Her smile was soft and it made my heart do strenuous exercise as usual when she handed me the coffee.

"You have to eat up, Cloud. It isn't healthy to go to work on an empty stomach," she quipped, before turning back to her eggs and bacon.

I know. I really just want to see you everyday before I leave.

Unconsciously I raised the cup to my lips to take a sip of coffee. Wrong move.

With a gasp of surprise, and pain, I dropped the mug back on the table, my fingers pressed over the spot where the scalding coffee burned. Damn. I always did forget to wait for the steaming beverage to cool down a little.

Tifa had quickly rushed over to me when she heard the noise, and her opaque eyes were pooled with concern as she laid her own hand on mine, the one against my scorched lips.

"What happened?" she asked, leaning in closer to inspect whatever damage had been inflicted on my mouth. Again, wrong move, this time on Tifa's part.

A sharp intake of breath escaped me, and I could feel the sudden tension in my whole body as stray tendrils of Tifa's hair brushed against my white, rigid knuckles.

"I just burned my lip," I muttered, trying with all my might to stop myself from pouncing on her like a hungry lion.

Then I noticed her blush—she must have realized our awkward position, for she suddenly bolted up like she had been electrified.

"Oh. Right. Right," she said in a falsely bright voice. "There's a bottle of petroleum jelly in the medicine box in case your… lip still hurts,"

"Tifa…"

"Yes?"

I cleared my throat to hide my amusement. Tifa looked really cute when flustered.

"I think your eggs are burning,"

"Oh dear, I forgot—" Tifa ran back to rescue her eggs, and I was left to contemplate on my sudden realizations.

Was Tifa Lockhart, by any chance, attracted to me?

I found myself grinning at the prospect. That blush has got to mean something.

But the question was, WHY? And HOW?

I had known Tifa for the longest time, and for that stretched span of time I had had this biggest crush on her. But as for her feelings toward me, I honestly have no idea.

I'm sure she cares for me though. Even a blind person can see her concern about me, but the problem is, she's equally concerned about the others as well.

Besides, she hasn't shown the slightest hint of jealousy with what used to be between me and Aerith.

Okay. So maybe a few hints here and there, but there doesn't seem to be enough proof to verify that Tifa harbored any romantic feelings for me.

"Here you go Cloud," Tifa interrupted my reverie by placing a plateful of burnt eggs and barely-survived-from-burning strips of bacon in front of me. "I'm sorry the eggs got burned—"

"It's okay, Tifa," I told her, and to prove my pint, I shoveled a forkful of the overcooked egg into my mouth.

Bleargh. Tastes like it's been recycled from rotten trash.

"Well, how does it taste? It's bad, isn't it?" Tifa asked anxiously, wringing her hands together.

I nearly threw up on the spot when I attempted to swallow the dratted egg.

"No, no, it's good…" I lied through my teeth, deciding I'd rather go to work with an upset stomach than an upset Tifa.

"Really? Then I'll go make some more for you to pack for work," Tifa said brightly, sauntering away to cook more of the evil-tasting food.

Damn. What had Tifa cooked these eggs and bacon with? Garbage oil?

With a wince I carefully hid from Tifa, I slowly finished my meal, which, at the back of my head, made me think it was my last feast.

"Oh dear," I heard Tifa curse, and she turned to me with a sheepish look on her face. "I guess I was too sleepy a while ago that I accidentally poured kerosene oil for the lamps instead of cooking oil!"

I quickly spat out the food in my mouth and gulped the rest of my coffee to remove the venomous taste of burnt eggs cooked in kerosene oil that lingered disgustingly.

"God, Cloud, I'm so sorry!" Tifa exclaimed, rushing over with a glass of water, which I drank like a madman. "How are you feeling? Does your stomach hurt? Goodness, did you just say you liked it? Cloud, speak to me!"

I was in such a hurry to down the rest of the water that I choked; I could feel Tifa patting me on the back as I tried to unclog my throat.

"I—I'm alright," I managed to say between coughs.

"Cloud, I'm so sorry!" Tifa repeated, looking very guilty and worried. "I swear I didn't mean to—"

Who could stay mad at someone apologizing so prettily? Even if she did serve me burnt eggs cooked in kerosene oil.

"It's alright, Tifa," I cut in. "I'm fine,"

"I'll cook you a new batch of food, I promise I'll use cooking oil—"

"I'm full, thank you," I couldn't stop the dry tone of my voice as I said that. I might actually die if I tried another of her cooking this morning. "I have to go,"

But Tifa followed me as I went out of the kitchen, towards the exit of Seventh Heaven.

That's when I saw the mistletoe.

Before I could as much ask who put such a ridiculous plant there, the mistletoe suddenly sprouted out huge vines and had me fully bound before anyone could say "WTF??"

I could only stare in horror as the rest of the vines wrapped themselves around Tifa, whose mouth was opened in a supposed scream.

What the fuck is this THING?? And who the hell put it there??

"What… is this?" Tifa asked in half-horror, half-wonder.

I didn't answer her, instead concentrating on how I could get myself out of these tight-binding vines. But hell, no matter how much I tried to escape its confines, it remained tightly coiled around me with no signs of giving away.

"Is this… a mistletoe?" Tifa asked yet again, a frown marring her smooth forehead.

And so it was.

A very aggressive one, if I may add.

So what does one do when under, or in our case, captured, by an adamant mistletoe?

Oh God.

"Cloud?..."

Somehow, I couldn't seem to bring myself to look at her when I said, "Yes, it's a mistletoe…"

"Oh."

And there was silence.

A very, very uncomfortable one.

"Cloud…" Tifa finally said after two minutes of excruciating silence.

"Yeah?" was all I could reply.

"… aren't you going to be late for work?"

Good question.

"Yes, I think so," I answered slowly, having absolutely no idea where our conversation would be heading to.

"So why don't we just get on with it, so you can go to work and I can open the bar?" As I turned to look to look at Tifa with startled eyes, I saw how red her cheeks were becoming, and the embarrassment in her eyes as she tried to look at me in the eye.

"Uhh..." I honestly did not know how to respond without sounding like a horny idiot.

As if on cue, the vines which engulfed us moved us towards each other until our flustered faces were mere centimetres away.

"Alright…" I choked on my own spit when I saw Tifa close her eyes, as if surrendering her whole being in my hands…

Okay. I have to get this over with before anyone else wakes up and never live this down. Vividly imagining the gang's expressions at our dilemma, I closed my eyes and gathered all my courage.

Gingerly I leaned my face closer and touched my lips to hers, which were warm and soft and terribly addicting to taste.

This is just a kiss. JUST a kiss. My first kiss. And apparently, Tifa's too.

She tilted her head to one side as our kiss deepened, and I was barely aware that the vines were slowly releasing us from its iron grip, shortening until they returned to the mistletoe, which didn't look one bit aggressive now.

I felt her hands go up to my hair, a small gasp escaping her mouth when I touched her lower lip with my tongue.

Bloody hell, she tasted like… well, she tasted like Tifa. Sweet yet tangy.

"OHMYGODISODIDNOTSEETHISI'MFREAKINGGONNATHROWUP!"

We both pulled away like opposite poles of a magnet at Yuffie's high-pitched scream.

"Y—Yuffie—" Tifa stuttered, looking wildly undone with her flushed cheeks and swollen lips.

The look of horrification on Yuffie's face was slowly replaced by an evil one—a look which promised endless teasing and blackmail.

Heaven help us all.

"I—it was that mistletoe, it suddenly grabbed us and forced us—"

"Hey, wait a minute, that's mine!" Yuffie cut off Tifa's ramble when she caught sight of the mistletoe dangling by the doorway. "Who put it there??"

"Lord knows I'd love to murder whoever put that there," I muttered under my breath.

Wait. Murder? Genuflect, perhaps, because he had been able to kiss Tifa with its help. But as for the part about Yuffie catching them doing it—

"Wait Yuffie, don't go there, you might—" Tifa's warning died in her throat when the aggressive vines got caught of Yuffie—and me—once more.

"WHAT THE FREAKIN' HELL IN JENOVA'S HEAD—??" Yuffie was screaming as the vines tightened around our bodies.

God, no. There is absolutely no way in this world YOU can make me kiss the little ninja brat.

"You wouldn't let me explain! See now, you're stuck up there and you have to kiss Cloud!" Tifa yelled, and I was surprised to see how livid she looked.

Yuffie's eyes went very large, and she gave me a look of disgust.

"There is no freakin' way am I gonna surrender my first kiss to a stupid, chocobohead like Cloud!" she shrieked, squirming against the vines like a hooked worm.

"As if I'd want to kiss an annoying ninja brat like you," I grumbled.

Tifa started walking towards us, but suddenly, an invisible force seemed to push her roughly away.

"What the—there's a barrier!" Tifa exclaimed.

"Hey, what's all the ruckus—what are you two doing up there?" Cid suddenly appeared out of nowhere, staring up at where Yuffie and I were being held hostage.

"They were captured by that—that weird mistletoe!" Tifa wailed, looking completely miserable.

"A weird mistletoe?" Barrett also appeared, closely followed by Vincent from upstairs.

I was quick to notice the cold, angry look Vincent sent to my direction.

"Well, if that's indeed a mistletoe, the only solution to that is to—er—well…"Cid scratched the back of his head and smiled a mischievous smile. "You gotta kiss!"

"What? That little ninja brat and Spikey?" Barrett asked in a shocked voice.

I watched from the corner of my eye as Vincent made his way towards us—but like Tifa, he was also pushed back.

"What is this… enchantment?" he murmured, staring at the mistletoe in curiosity.

"Go on, kiss!" Cid shouted, and I struggled to fight my laughter when Tifa "accidentally" elbowed him in the stomach. Hard.

"NONONONONONONONO!!" Yuffie's shrill screams were causing serious damage to my ears. "IWONTIWONTIWONTIWONTIWONT—"

Damn. I'm sorry Tifa, I'm sorry Vincent…

Careful not to get bitten by the angry little woman, I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

I was ever so grateful when I felt the vines immediately loosen their grip on me, and I landed with a thud on the floor, followed closely by Yuffie, who was still screaming her head off.

"IWONTIWONTIWONTIWONT—"

I quickly dashed away from the vicinity of the mistletoe, honestly scared of its power. Hell, that's even scarier than Sephiroth coming back to life.

Vincent and the others watched in fascination as the vines shortened and retuned to the mistletoe once more.

"IWONTIWONTIWONTIWONT—"

Tifa pulled Yuffie along with us as we headed towards the living room, away from that horrible mistletoe.

"Come on Yuffie, it's over!" I heard Tifa yell. "And do stop moving like that, your arm's still broken—"

"I have to go," I told Cid and the others. "I'm late for work,"

I opened the window near the couch and was slipping through it when Vincent called me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Don't do that again," Vincent said, his voice icy.

Hmm. Did Vincent ACTUALLY like that little ninja brat? Some people really do have weird tastes.

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

But Vincent was gone when I looked back; he probably took Yuffie to that mistletoe for an experiment…

With a grunt I hopped out of the window and was about to head to my Fenrir when I heard Tifa call my name.

Her face came peering from the window I had jumped from, and she was smiling her tender smile at me.

"Be careful," she said. "And come back early, I'll be making a grand supper later…"

"No more kerosene oil?" I asked with a small smile, and she laughed.

"Yes, no more kerosene oil…"

I nodded before turning away, but she called me again.

When I looked back, there was a mischievous glint in her opaque eyes.

"If I ever I see you kissing someone else again, no matter under what circumstance, I'm going to make you wish you've never been born, understand?"

"I promise."

And a Strife never breaks his vows.

* * *

A/n: So what do you think:D Let me know whom you'd like to get victimized by this horribly fantastic mistletoe. :)


	3. Reno's POV

A/n: Hello guys:) Thank you so much for the lovely reviews, I'll be sure to take your suggestions to consideration… but right now I give you—

**Magical Mistletoe**

by astrogirl23

A/n: I do not own FFVII or any of its characters, so please, please do not sue me:D

* * *

Chapter 3: Reno's POV

If I had known what horror would befall me by coming to Seventh Heaven, I swear to ShinRa that I never would have come at all.

See, it all started when Rude mentioned the word "beer".

And where else can we get those sweet things for free? To the secret headquarters of AVALANCE of course!

I was whistling a tune to myself as we rounded up the corner where Seventh Heaven was located, hands dug casually in my pockets, giving the girls who were apparently staring at my dazzling good looks a sexy wink.

Rude was quiet as usual, but I'm sure I'll break his silence with my witty comments, yo? They don't call me Reno the hot conversationalist for nothing.

"Aren't ya glad you'll be seeing your li'l crush soon?" I asked, jabbing him jokingly in the ribs.

Rude quickly shoved my arm away. "Careful with the shades," he muttered, probably referring to his endless stock of sunglasses inside his coat. I knew he was seriously going to murder me if I ruin another pair of his precious shades so I quit poking him on the side.

I wasn't about to release him so easily from my bait though.

"Well, aren't ya? I know you're hoping Tifa'll be wearing her old bright orange miniskirt—"

I stopped dead on my tracks when I saw the entrance of the bar.

What the hell is going on here?? The sight that greeted my beautiful blue-green eyes was very, very unusual.

The entrance was barred by makeshift fences, and a huge white poster was tacked on the door.

It read, "DO NOT ENTER! VERY DANGEROUS INSIDE! THE BAR WON'T BE OPEN UNTIL THE HORROR GOES AWAY!!"

Hmm. That definitely had to be Yuffie's bold handwriting.

And I'm not buying her poor, pathetic attempt at a prank for a single minute.

With a derisive snort, I kicked the makeshift fence out of the way and continued my approach until I was mere inches from the door.

"So she thinks her stupid little ploy's gonna work on me, yo? I'll show that little imp…" I said to myself, my mind already beginning to improvise a way to get back at the trouble-maker ninja.

Rude stood behind me, and I saw him give the sign a reluctant glance, shades and all.

"Are you sure we—"

I shot him a sideway glance that dripped with arrogance. "Man, don't tell me you're falling for that bullshit! Come on!"

And to prove my point that it was indeed nothing but bullshit, I pushed the door open.

"See? No 'horror' in he—" before I could finish my sentence, I found myself dangling in the air, vines wrapping around my whole body like vicious snakes.

When I blinked a second later, Rude was in front of me, also in the same position, his shades a mere facial movement away from falling to the far, far floor.

"My shades!" he screamed like a pig inches from slaughter as his sunglasses fell to the ground and shattered to pieces. "My beautiful shades!"

I was about to give me idiotic partner a scathing reply when Tifa and the rest of AVALANCE came running into the scene, all wearing the same look of utter horror in their faces.

"Reno! Rude! What are you doing here??" Tifa shouted, her eyes wide with shock.

"We wanted free beers," I answered wryly, shooting a glare at Rude's direction. "And my partner wanted to see you in a miniskirt."

"OH MY GOD." Yuffie appeared behind Tifa, looking up at Rude and me, who were still hanging helplessly by this—this—what the hell is this snake-like plant anyway?

I was about to ask that when I was cut off by a sudden loud whoop of helpless laughter. Barrett and Cid had come inside too, and they were clutching their sides as they pointed at me and Rude.

"It's—it's the secret lovers!" Cid gasped out between laughs. "I can't wait to see how they'll free themselves from that devil!"

Secret lovers? Me and Rude??

What the hell are they talking about? Didn't they know how much sexual prowess I have against women? And Rude, for chrissakes, he's got a friggin' crush on Tifa!

Not unless… is Rude harbouring sexually passionate emotions for me??

"What is this stupid trap anyway?" I hollered down at them people, who were now laughing so hard that they were wiping tears from their eyes.

"That's—that's—" Yuffie gulped some air between giggles. "That's a mistletoe, Reno!"

Oh fuck.

The little imp's jokes are now bordering in making me cry like an old lady.

No, no, no. I'd rather die. I'd rather eat dung. Or lick the floor of Seventh Heaven. Better yet, someone's…

"And what does that mean?" I asked, my heart doing palpitations as I waited for her answer.

Yuffie didn't waste any time to enlighten me.

"You gotta kiss, of course!" she chirped, and if she didn't look so excitedly horrified at what she said, I'd eat my shoe.

And as for her statement, damn if I'd much as touch my precious strictly-for-women-only lips to any goddamned part of Rude's body!

"No. God, no," I found myself saying. Bile had risen to my throat at that disgusting prospect, and I suddenly regretted stealing the last burrito from Elena's plate at lunch.

Apparently, Rude thought so too. Only, he didn't have the finesse I seem to possess.

Without as much as a warning, he opened his mouth to my utter disgust, puke flew everywhere, mostly in my direction.

"Fuck you to goddamn hell Rude, throwing up on me like I'm a toilet bowl and freaking—" I shot a killer glare at the people laughing below. "You people shut up! Get me out of this stupid trap now, I'm freaking gonna make sure each one of you would suffer a slow, painful death if you DON'T FUCKING RELEASE ME NOW!!"

Okay, Reno, calm down. Your poise is thinning to an alarming level, but there is a perfectly acceptable reason behind it—

"B—but…" Tifa bit her lip as she restrained her mirth. "…the thing is, you really can't get out of that trap unless you do kiss," she finished her explanation with an unladylike snort.

"Yeah, Cloud and Tifa had to snog in order to escape that—" Yuffie was saying, but a red-faced Tifa covered a hand to the little imp's mouth.

"…and Cloud had to freaking kiss me on the cheek when it accidentally captured us!" Yuffie finished when Tifa released her.

"Well, I'd rather rot here than kiss my puke-covered partner, thanks," I grumbled defiantly. Really. There is no freaking way in Sephiroth's genes am I gonna kiss Rude!

"Okay, suit yourself," Barrett said with a chuckle as he turned to leave. "Call me if the secret lovers do decide to snog, alright?"

"Same for me," Cid mentioned, giving a salute to my direction. "I never thought I'd say this, but good luck to you Turks!"

And so Rude and I remained stuck in that friggin' mistletoe's clutches for five hours, yo? Still, after those helpless hours, I remained adamant.

The sun was setting when Tifa came back to check on us, her amusement now replaced by a little worry.

"Come on Reno, it'd only take a little kiss—"

My snort echoed around the empty bar. Shooting Rude a warning look when he started to open his mouth (maybe to puke again), I told the woman standing a few meters away from us, "Easy for you to say, yo? I'd rather skin myself alive than kiss a man!"

"Well, try to think of it as a brotherly kiss or something—"

"You can't fucking fool me Tifa, don't you think I didn't see the videocam that Yuffie had set up? I'd rather get—"

I heard the door of the entrance of Seventh Heaven creak open, and the next thing I knew, I was being thrown in the air, landing with a crash on one of the tables. Rude hit the wall and came falling by the side of the stairs.

I barely heard the feminine scream as I groaned aloud in pain when I tried to sit up from the rubble.

Was I hallucinating, or did the mistletoe just release me from a terrible fate? Thank heavens!

Or better yet, thank the newcomers. When I was finally able to sit up, I finally saw whom I should be thanking.

Elena and Tseng were both shouting in outrage as the vines of the mistletoe wrapped around them in a grip similar to the way it did me and Rude a while ago.

"Well, well, well, what brings you here?" I asked mildly as I looked at their sorry conditions. Hell, I swear I'd never steal food from Elena's plate again. Or tease Tseng for being such a bloody bore.

"Reno! Fuck you, you asshole, Sir Rufus has been looking all over for you and Rude for hours—and is that puke you're covered with??" Elena demanded shrilly.

"Yeah," I answered, slipping off my puke-covered coat and shirt. "That thing's that wrapped around you now's what kept us here so long, yo?"

"WHAT?? You placed this stupid trap to trick us??"

"No, no," I told her, waving my hands in a no-no way. "That freaking mistletoe captured us on our way here, but there's no absolute way am I gonna kiss Rude so we got stuck for hours—"

"You came here and got captured? Wait a minute, did you just say MISTLETOE??" Elena's face resembled a tomato with blonde hair now.

"Yeah," I gave her a grin. "You can thank your lucky stars now that you got a reason to kiss Tseng,"

Elena looked like she wanted to shred my hide to pieces. "Wha—what are you talking about—"

"Goodness, Elena, is that you?" Yuffie's disbelieving voice drowned the rest of Elena's words. The little imp then turned horrified eyes at me. "Hey, why are you naked? You got away??" she asked in amazement. "Then that means—" she then rushed to the place where she set up her video camera, positively skipping with glee.

When she didn't find any torrid kissing scene between me and Rude, her face fell.

"Hey, it's not fair! How come they managed to escape without having to kiss??" Yuffie demanded angrily, shooting a glare at my direction.

Call it a moment of insanity, but for a split second I thought she looked cute. Hmm. The puke which stuck to me probably addled my brain.

And did her eyes just linger a wee bit longer than normal at my naked chest?

"Well," Tifa's voice interrupted my thoughts. "I think the mistletoe released them when it sensed another couple coming,"

"Yeah, that thing threw us in the air the moment Tseng and Elena entered," Rude commented, suddenly appearing beside me. I noticed he was staring appreciatively at Tifa's legs from his latest set of sunglasses which he procured from god-knows-where.

"So, what's gonna happen to us?" Tseng's question floated in the air as Tifa, Rude, Yuffie and I looked at each other.

"Well, you can wait there until you rot for some other couple to come in, or you can easily get off the hook with a kiss," Yuffie clarified, and it amused me to see my boring-as-dust co-worker blush like a schoolboy.

"I—I—I—" Elena was stuttering like an idiot, her face rivalling the colour of my hair.

"Aww, come on Elena, we all know you're dying to kiss him senseless since he became your partner!" I joked, and if looks could kill, I'd have died ten times over.

"Yeah, kiss!" Yuffie clapped her hands together in glee. She aimed her video camera to Tseng and Elena's direction, the red light for record blinking. "You can thank me for this little souvenir when you get married—"

Both Tseng and Elena were muttering senseless ramblings now. Heh. What a sight.

It had been a real surprise when Tseng suddenly leaned over and kissed the still mumbling Elena smack on the lips. Yuffie screamed in delight, Tifa was smiling a huge smile, and Rude was also momentarily distracted from staring at his secret object of affection.

The vines of the mistletoe immediately released the couple, and the two landed rather unsteadily to the ground. Their kiss must have affected their sense of balance.

"What are you doing here?" Vincent's cold voice interrupted our little celebrative chatter, and I saw him looking at our direction in a colder way than usual. Brr.

"We wanted some free beers, but we got captured by that mistletoe," I explained with a shrug.

"And you got captured with whom?" he asked, looking at me as if my life would depend on my answer.

"You'd rather not know, yo?" I said easily, ignoring the glare he gave me. "Not female, to my utter horror. Good thing Tseng and Elena arrived in time,"

Was it my imagination, or did I just glimpse a hint of a blush on the little female ninja's face when Vincent arrived?

Hmm. Maybe the imp's partial to old, boring, no-fashion sense gunslingers.

Whatever. I went through hell and still I haven't got what I came for.

"Yo Tifa, where're the beers?"

* * *

So, that's it:D Keep the reviews coming! It'd inspire me to write more. :)


	4. Rufus' POV

A/n: Hello. :) I'm back with a new chapter, I wasn't able to update as quickly as I would have wanted to because of school work, but let's not talk about that cause here's…

**Magical Mistletoe**

By astrogirl23

A/n: I do not own anything except the plot. :D

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Chapter 4: Rufus' POV

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My employees were missing.

I gave my platinum wristwatch another glance and saw that it was already past seven. I had sent Tseng and Elena over three hours ago to search for my two errant bodyguards, who were last seen stealing burritos from their co-workers' plates, talking about free beers.

Tseng had suspected that his colleagues had come to Seventh Heaven, the bar in the slums where the members of AVALANCHE, the little critters who dared to fight ShinRa company years ago, lived. So off he went to the place, along with Elena, who followed along like a lovesick puppy hungry for attention.

Really, if not only for their loyalty and my gratefulness to them for rescuing me when I had nearly jumped to my death while fighting the three silver-haired freaks years ago, I would have replaced them without a second thought and not an ounce of remorse.

Hmm. I think I'm getting a little soft. I was not actually missing the noise and laxness of my top four secret favourite bodyguards, am I?

Bother. I'm getting more and more curious by the minute though, about their whereabouts. Slack as they are, they wouldn't dare leave me in my office without permission and without any backup, wouldn't they?

But hell, for the first time, it seems like they already did. Hmm. I'll be sure to dock off some gil from their wages.

So what am I to do now? I've just finished the last of my work, and feelings of boredom were slowly creeping up my system.

Maybe I'll go and take a peek at what my bodyguards are up to at the dingy bar that hardly fitted the name "Seventh Heaven".

* * *

It took me less than thirty minutes to reach the slums where my employees were thought to be, and my curiosity heightened when I saw the wreckage at the entrance of the bar, my eye barely missing the torn sign on the door, which said something very odd.

DO NOT ENTER! VERY DANGEROUS INSIDE! THE BAR WON'T BE OPEN UNTIL THE HORROR GOES AWAY!!

What was this, a promotional tactic? Because if it was, then it's hardly a surprise that the owner was not getting any richer.

"I'll call you when I need you," I told my chauffeur in my usual commanding voice, and he gave a sharp nod. Feeling a little stiffness in my legs, I stepped out my luxury car and began heading towards the ruined entrance of the bar.

"Wait, mister, wait!"

The little voice caught my attention. I turned and saw a little girl just right behind me, a look of alarm on her face.

"You can't go in there, it's dangerous! See, there's a scary mistletoe right behind that door, and once it captures you, you'll surely die!"

The little brat's poor attempt at a joke only garnered a raised brow from me. Doesn't this girl recognize me? I, Rufus ShinRa, one of the most powerful men on earth? Okay, so maybe my notoriety's died a bit these past years, but hasn't this little girl's parents told everything about me as bedtime stories?

Hmm. Maybe it's time to make them fear my name again.

Completely ignoring the little brat, I took another step forward and opened the door.

Before I had the chance to blink, I was swept upside down by some vine-like creature, and the next thing I knew, my bodyguards were peering up at me with wide horrified eyes a few feet away. The rest of the AVALANCHE team were also there, and none of them made a move to remove me from my uncomfortable position, instead also staring at me stupidly.

"Sir Rufus!" Elena shrieked. "What are you doing here?!"

Before I could answer, the little brat shouted from outside, "I tried to warn him but he wouldn't listen!"

"What is this thing?" I asked in a deathly calm voice. "Kindly release me. _Now_."

I could not have emphasized the last word more forcefully. I suppose being hung upside down by a weird creature in a smelly, grimy bar could make any perfectly reasonable man to lose his temper.

"Can't, President ShinRasshole," Cid shouted, seeming to snap out of his shock. "You gotta get yourself a fucking partner up there that'd be willing to kiss you, see?"

"Daddy, can I—"

"NO!" Barrett's sudden growl made everyone flinch. "Marlene, don't come nearer, pass through the window by the kitchen!"

Marlene gave a quick nod then ran away from the doorway.

"Well, daddy can't have his little girl corrupted by the handsome President ShinRa now, can he?" Reno kidded, and received a glare from the rest of the AVALANCHE team.

"Well it never occurred to me you'd prefer your so-called 'handsome' ShinRa than your rumoured lover, Rude!" Yuffie stuck out her tongue at the redhead.

"What the—"

"You Turks are nothing but fucking gays, are ya?"

"Why you—"

"Tseng, no!"

"ENOUGH."

My thundering voice halted their actions, and they were back to staring at me like dunderheads once more.

"Did I miss something?"

From the corner of my eye I could see a familiar spiky head poke through a window, along with the little brat named Marlene.

"Strife." I acknowledged like I was sitting normally, having my coffee and not hanging upside down by a plant.

"Rufus ShinRa, what are you doing here?" Cloud asked after climbing the window. "Don't tell me you got stuck in that mistletoe because of your hard-headedness,"

"So this is a mistletoe?" I could hardly hide the disbelief in my voice. Damn. Looks like my karma finally came.

"What are we going to do?" Elena asked anxiously. "We have to get Sir Rufus from up there,"

"It's pretty simple, really," Reno said with a smirk. "We need a female sacrifice,"

"What?" Yuffie, Elena and Tifa chorused.

"Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about, Turky?" Cid demanded.

"Don't call me Turky, you bastard!" Reno made a move to punch the blonde pilot.

"Stop it!" Elena shrieked, and the two turned to her. "Reno, explain what you had to say!"

"What did I say again? ... Oh yeah, female sacrifice… well, I figured we'd push one woman there and let the mistletoe take her so she could kiss Sir Rufus," Reno said, scratching the back of his head.

"That's brilliant!" Barrett mimicked a woman's high pitched voice. "Too bad there isn't a willing female here to rescue your pretty-boy boss!"

Damn it. These idiots were talking like I was not here. Did they really have to slap it in my face that I don't have a special woman in my life?

Well, excuse me for valuing money and power more than the illusion they call LOVE!

"But we got to get him from up there," Rude commented out of the blue.

"Well Elena, since you're the only female in our group, you might as well do it!" Reno suggested, then backed away in alarm when Tseng pointed his shotgun at him.

"She's not doing it," Tseng said coldly, and Elena gave him a starry-eyed look, her cheeks red.

"Well, who the hell's gonna rescue Sir Rufus, yo?" Reno's eyes roamed over the room, then fell on Tifa, who glared at him in outrage.

"You can't possibly—you can't—" she stuttered, her face becoming more and more flushed by the second.

"She will not do it." Cloud's voice promised cold murder that I myself suppressed a shiver. So this was how lovesick fools acted. They were very protective of their… mates.

"I know!" Reno snapped his fingers, and without as much as a warning, dragged Yuffie by her uninjured arm towards where I was hanging.

"What the—let me go, you bastard!" Yuffie screamed.

"Well, I'm sure no one's gonna be angry if you give Sir ShinRa a little kiss—"

And with that, Reno gave her a large push towards me. I watched, a little fascinated, as long ropes of the plant snatched the screaming ninja imp and hung her in front of me, also upside down.

"Fuck you Reno, you ugly bastard, I'll murder you with my own hands when I get down there!"

If my hands were only free, I would have used them to shield my precious ears from her deafening scream, but all I could do was cringe as she continued to scream shrill insults and curses down at my bodyguards.

Then I saw a flash of a red cloak.

"What… are they doing up there?" Vincent Valentine asked no one in particular, his tone dripping with venom.

Hmm. This can't possibly be… the ninja imp's lover? I've never seen a more uncanny pair.

"Vinnie!" screaming seemed to be the little ninja's latest hobby. "Help me, please!"

I could have sworn that a look of utter concern crossed the stoic red-cloaked man's face for second, but then again, maybe it was only a trick of the light.

Hmm. Maybe I'd spice things up a little…

To everyone's shock, I leaned over and touched my lips to the ninja imp's still talking mouth.

Only I wasn't able to anticipate what the little monster would do.

She bit me!

And no, I wasn't talking about the love bites that usually cause arousal. What she did was something more like an angry dog bite.

Before I knew it though, I was being thrown into the air, and my four bodyguards caught me before I could crash to the ground.

"Sir! Sir, are you alright?" Elena was asking, and I touched a finger to my bleeding lip, which still stung from the little monster's bite.

A few feet afar, the red-cloaked man had caught Yuffie, and she was sobbing like I was the one who bit her.

"That—that old man k—kissed—kissed me!" she wailed, burying her face into Vincent's chest.

"Hey! Watch whom you're calling old!" Reno said angrily. "Your Valentine's much more ancient than Sir Rufus!"

"You'll pay for this." Vincent announced in a perfectly calm voice, with an icy gaze at my direction that promised retaliation.

His anger was really confusing me. He wants revenge because I kissed his little ninja? Doesn't he know how many women would be willing to receive my kiss? And wasn't it obvious that I was only forced?

"You're not touching Sir Rufus, Valentine!" Elena said threateningly.

"Well your fucking boss just made our little brat cry, so he needs to pay up!" Cid answered as he crunched his knuckles in preparation.

"If it's a fight you want…" Tseng started, bringing out his weapon. "All you had to do was ask."

And so a full-blown brawl in the bar began.

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A/n: So that's it! :D Give me some feedback, and we'll see who gets victimized next by the evil mistletoe. Thank you for the lovely reviews for True Love's Kiss BTW. :))


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